I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
