I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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