Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
