i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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