the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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