I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
