and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
