Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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