Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
