did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
