they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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