News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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