I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
