He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This baby is an asshole
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
