I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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