It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
