im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my being single is dangerous.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
