Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
