i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
