we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
