I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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