I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
