i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
