If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize