You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
as a side note pls kill me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
