Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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