Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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