all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
