I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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