Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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