he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
