just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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