ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
