I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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