I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
