hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
