Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize