if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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