i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
