he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
