it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
