Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
