I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
