he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
