Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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