Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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