theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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