my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When did angry sex become our thing?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
