Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
