omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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