I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
