Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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