This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
