Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
