your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
