Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it was like eating out sand paper
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
