Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
