I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
