no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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