you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
