we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
