i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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