I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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