My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I skipped work to stalk him.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
