the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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