I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
