Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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