ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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