He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
