He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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