Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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