she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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