fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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