If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
