Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
